Saturday, March 14, 2009
Hmmm.......
Nothing on the adoption new front here. Still just waiting and preparing for our children. But I have had a somewhat stressful couple of weeks emotionally. I am wondering if anyone who has adopted or had children biologically has ever felt a sense of "panic" before their children arrived into their family? I use that word, even though it is somewhat harsh. I have recently felt this way. All of a sudden I became very scared and overwhelmed. In so many ways. A lot of it has been from the mere face that Chris and I are going to be parents. Another part of it has been from just the pure unknown situations of all aspects of the adoption. I know that this can be a really personal issue. I am just wondering if my feelings are normal and how other people have reacted to becoming first time parents or just adding another addition to your family. hmmmm
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8 comments:
I absolutely would describe my emotions in preparing to be a parent for the first time "panic." I felt when I would mention that fact on adoption forums people would be upset because I was supposed to be only happy about the prospect. Of course I was happy, excited, and hopeful, but I was also panicked. I felt like I needed to know everything and that I knew nothing. We had been married 13 years before we adopted, and I planned to go back to work full-time. Really I just did not know what to expect or how our lives would change - despite reading all of the recommended books.
The panic about becoming parents faded once we were given 5 days notice to get to Kazakhstan and we became hyper focused on preparing for the trip. And once we actually met and got to know our little guy I realized how unfounded most of my fears were. Some things are harder than I expected (like adjusting to no down time, dealing with baby illnesses, and balancing work) but most everything just comes naturally. Our son has added so much joy to our family. Try not to panic.
YES, completely normal. I will go further, I actually was starting to question if it was something I should even do. I got caught up thinking about all the negative what if's. The wait in adoption is torture-way too much time to think/over think.
I think it happens near the end of every pregnancy (paper or bio). It is not a small thing we are doing here!:) But it is normal normal normal.
Now practice your adoption lamaze; breathe in, breathe out. It will all be ok.
Yep. Totally. I even went so far as I freaked on the day I met my daughter. Not over her- she was perfect- but just because it was so HUGE! And it's hard to describe what 'it' even is. The change, the responsibility, the unknowns, the responsibility, the fear of doing something wrong, the responsibility, the selflessness involved... you get the picture. :-) And that's not to say it isn't/wasn't mixed with anticipation and joy and excitement and yearning... it is. But there is definitely the feeling of panic that bubbles near the surface and times, and occasionally bubbles up. It does go away though. I will be completely honest and say that it didn't go away the moment I held my daughter (as I already admitted above), but as I grew to love her as a person and not just a baby, or the concept I fell in love with during the wait, the fears and panic subsided, and all was right and good with the world.
Well I can totally relate. I am less than two weeks away from take off to Kaz and I woke up today and just freaked out. I am not freaked out to become a mom or knowing that my life will forever be changed, but I can assure you that the wave of emotions I have right now is nervous, scared, excited and everything else that goes along with it. I've asked my friends who have children how they felt at the end of their pregnancies and most felt the same way. So yeah its normal and I think once you are actually in transit and you get to Kazakhstan that maybe it won't be so scary. Sending many hugs your way.
sandi
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. There are days where I feel 100% sure of everything, and then there are days when the "what if this" or "what if that" creeps in. I think no matter what (bio or adopted) you have these feelings. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was worried about everything- things I could control and things I couldn't control. I think the hardest part of adoption, for me at least, is the lack of control. Hang in there, and know you are not alone in the emotional roller coaster I like to call Adoption.
This panic is fear. And truly God does not want us to fear. Think of what an amazing thing the two fo you are doing. You are about to meet your children and I can tell you adoption is as amazing of an experience as delivering a child yourself. It is okay to be scared, but trust that God will get you through it! I know that he will! And I know that you can do anything with Him!
oh Jessica.. so sorry you are having an emotional couple of weeks... hang in there.. we are praying for you... I didn't necessarily feel panic when Bailey was a newborn, but had this weird feeling that we were babysitting her for someone and they'd show up anytime to take her away.. strange... but, I felt it.. it was UNREAL that we had a baby!! :)
The emotions involved in this process are a million times different than a biological baby.. (I think!)... especially when you know in your heart that God has led you to this place... wow!
Girl, rest in Jesus and KNOW that those he calls he equips.. u will be a natural and your kids were made just for you!!! :)
(hugs)
Love ya...
I think you're crazy. Just kidding! As others have said, your emotions are normal, but I am sorry you're feeling so stressed.
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